'Coconut' flavour please...

Say what you want but we all have in state of anger, jealously or rage called someone a 'coconut'.
This word is in inverted comas because of the different stereotypical (if there is such a word) meanings. I know coconuts as brown oval shaped fruit with a sweet taste. Mainly found in Hawaii or the Bahamas.

But in South Africa, this word has a whole new meaning.

Being a working student, I travel with public transport frequently. And where I live that means I take the train (when it finally arrives) to campus or to work. This form of travel often means that you encounter different types of people with various political backgrounds, education or lack off, class and not forgetting race.

To get to the point, other day I was in the train on my way to work when I overheard these two guys conversing. They were talking about this black girl who was talking to her white male companion. Accused number one says,"damn lomtana is a coconut, yambona mpintsi yam. Predictably his friend close to him concurs with much conviction.

Now there I was thinking, what makes these two guys observe and conclude that the girl is a ‘coconut’? What did she do that made them come to that finding? What is a ‘coconut’? Is this a bad thing or a good one? Is it factual or a stereotype conjured by jealous mongers? What possesses one to call another person a coconut?

Now while doing research for this topic I found that people had different answers to these questions.

Some of my friends and colleagues say that a 'coconut' is someone who thinks s/he is better than others because of her education. It’s someone who speaks in English, all the time? It’s someone who forgets her cultural background (particularly black people) and embraces the Western ways with easy. Its someone who looks down on their peers because they come from different financial circumstances.

Now taking all these points into consideration, most black people are 'coconuts' in that regard.
How are we supposed to converse with people from other races particularly white? Is it wrong to speak English to anyone in fear of being labelled?

Is this coconut phenomenon real, or is it jealousy of people with no formal education.

Whatever the case is, if speaking in English to your friends of whatever race they are, makes one a 'coconut'.

Then I am a big juicy one, and I am proud of that.

Who's YOUR Daddy??

But i do pay child support woman. What do you want from me kanti??

Those are the painful words a man utters to a woman who bore his first child out of wedlock. Watching Sokhulua and Partners recently got me thinking. Is that the only thing the kids born outside marriage should expect from their respective fathers.

The poignant storyline of this particular episode revolved arround an eleven year old boy who longs for the love of his boilogical father whom he says with his other son on a daily basis. Now the dad "happily" married with two kids and a successful businesman, pretends that the boy in question does not exist.

On his birhthday the 11 year old Mlungisi, when his mother tells him to make a wish and blow out the candles. He says in almost a whisper "I wish that my father would love me!!". The mother's joy quickly turns to saddness because she knows her son's
wish is my never materialise.

That's what got me thinking, paying child support is not taking responsibility of the fact that you fathered a child. Lots of young boys abd girls have to suffer because they respective parents are no longer together. Rightly so, bit does the fall of their relationship suddenly mean that the man forgets he needs to love his child.

It's not fair to the mom to expect her to take on all the kids needs by herself. The writing of a cheque does not erase the child's constant longing to bond with his/her father. To have someone to run to when mommy is angry and wants to give you a good smack. In the case boys, when you reach puberty and u realise that girls are not for teasing only. With girls, they want someone to proctect them from the "wrong" type of guy.

But NO these things are all dumped on the mother becuase she carried the child for nine months. Money is imperative in the growth of any child, but it does not replace the need for a kid to want a father present in their life. Its the small things that matter to children, and simply provideing mom with a cheque does not make up for them.

Back toS&P:

Mlungisi took his father to court, not to get more money out of hime but because he wanted his father's love. Case was dismissed because the constitution does not FORCE people to care for their children.

If you know that you not ready for kids, its simple. DON'T HAVE ANY. If you do, then take care of them, emotionally, physically and financially.

To all the Mlungisi's of the world, its not wrong to want your father's LOVE.